Why Real Change Requires Less Pressure—and More Patience

We often approach change with huge expectations.
This time will be different. This time I’ll finally fix what isn’t working.

That hope is understandable, but when change doesn’t happen quickly, many of us turn on ourselves. We assume we’ve failed, when in reality, we’ve simply expected too much, too fast.

The Problem Isn’t Motivation – It’s Expectation

Sustainable change rarely happens in big, dramatic leaps. It happens through small, repeatable steps that our nervous systems can actually tolerate.

One boundary honored.
One pause before reacting.
One realistic goal followed through.

These moments may seem small, but they are exactly how lasting change is built.

Why Big Overhauls Don’t Last

When goals require us to become a different person overnight, they often lead to burnout, shame, or giving up altogether. Pressure doesn’t create consistency – safety does.

Real change grows when we allow time, practice, and patience to do their work.

What Works Instead

Rather than asking, “How do I change everything?”
Try asking, “What’s one small shift I can support consistently?”

This isn’t lowering your standards. It’s setting yourself up for success.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t need to transform overnight.
You need realistic goals, steady steps, and kindness toward yourself along the way.

Slow change isn’t failure—it’s how change lasts.

Warmly,
Molly A. Summers, P.C.C.
Life Coach & Author

Thank you for spending this time with me inside The Attachment Style Journal.
I hope these words remind you that your attachment style is not your whole story — and you don’t have to navigate change alone.

If you’d like more gentle support, my virtual coaching and self-guided book are here for you anytime.

Schedule your free call or explore my books at coachingwithmollysummers.com.