When the Roles Shift Again: Caring for Older Loved Ones, While Honoring Ourselves

There’s a moment in life that feels almost upside down.

The people who once cared for us—our parents, sometimes even our grandparents—suddenly
need us to care for them. Doctor appointments, medications, safety concerns, financial decisions.
The roles shift, and we become the caretakers.

It can stir up a mix of emotions. Gratitude, because we’re able to give back. Tenderness,
remembering that they once did the same for us. And if we’re honest weariness, too. Because
even with love at the center, this role is heavy.

We may find ourselves asking: Where do I fit in, now?

For years, we were defined by the jobs we held, the children we raised, the commitments we
kept. Retirement was supposed to bring freedom. Yet here we are, juggling caregiving once
again. And while it’s meaningful work, it’s easy to lose ourselves in it.

But here’s what matters most: you are allowed to care for your loved ones and still carve out
space for yourself. Both can exist.
That may mean setting boundaries—choosing which responsibilities are yours to carry and
which need to be shared with siblings, professionals, or outside support. It may mean saying
“No” to help, even when your pride wants to whisper, “I can handle it.” It may mean scheduling
relief for yourself the way you would for them.

There is a common expression, we can’t pour from an empty cup. If we give until we’re
depleted, both we and our loved ones suffer. But when we take time to rest, to enjoy friendships,
to pursue small joys, we come back more patient, more grounded, more able to love.

And let’s not overlook the complicated emotions that caregiving can stir. Old wounds may
resurface. Family dynamics may get messy. Guilt may creep in—guilt for not doing enough,
guilt for wanting time away, guilt for feeling exhausted. But guilt doesn’t mean you’re failing. It
means you’re human.

This season calls for compassion—for them, yes, but also for us.

So, what does carving space look like? It could be as simple as:

– A daily walk outside before you answer the phone.
-Keeping one morning a week just for your projects or rest.

– Saying yes to a weekend away, even if someone else must step in.
– Creating rituals that refill you—reading at night, gardening, prayer, meditation, painting,
journaling.

It’s not selfish to keep living your life while supporting theirs. It’s essential.
The roles may have shifted, but your life is still yours. Caring for your loved ones can be an act
of love, not a sentence that erases your own needs.

So, if you’re in this chapter of life, let this be your reminder: you’re allowed to honor both.
Them, and you.

Reflection Questions
Take a pause and ask yourself:
1. How has this role reversal stirred up feelings in me—both tender and difficult?
2. Where am I neglecting my own needs while caring for others?
3. What small boundaries or routines could help me create space for myself?
4. Who can I invite in for support, instead of carrying this alone?
5. What do I need to hear to remind myself that my life still matters too?

 

Warmly,
Molly A. Summers, P.C.C.
Life Coach & Author

Thank you for spending this time with me inside The Attachment Style Journal.
I hope these words remind you that your attachment style is not your whole story — and you don’t have to navigate change alone.

If you’d like more gentle support, my virtual coaching and self-guided book are here for you anytime.

Schedule your free call or explore my books at coachingwithmollysummers.com.