Anxious attachment for parents at weddings

By Molly Summers

When Your Child Gets Married and You Have an Anxious Attachment Style

There’s nothing quite like watching your child walk down the aisle.

It’s a moment filled with pride, love, and joy — the kind that catches in your throat and brings tears to your eyes.

But if you’re a parent with an anxious attachment style, that moment may also bring up something else.
Something quieter, harder to name.
A kind of ache that lives beneath the surface.

Because while everyone else sees a celebration, you might be feeling a complicated mix of pride and loss… joy and fear… love and doubt… all at once.

It’s Not Just Their Wedding — It’s a Shift in Your Role

As a parent, your love has likely been all-in from the beginning. If you’re anxiously attached, that love can carry an undercurrent of “please don’t leave me” — even if it’s never spoken out loud.

So when your child begins a new life — with someone else at the center — it can trigger old fears of abandonment. Even though you know this is what’s supposed to happen, it doesn’t always feel easy.

You may wonder:

• Where do I fit now?
• Will they still need me?
• Will I be close enough to feel connected?
• What if I get left behind?

These are vulnerable questions — and they’re completely valid.

Underneath the Pride… There Might Be Grief

Grief doesn’t just show up when someone dies. It also shows up during transitions — especially the kind that signal a shift in identity.

You’re no longer the main source of comfort. The center of their world. You’re watching them build a new orbit — and as beautiful as that is, it can feel like a small heartbreak.

If you’ve struggled in your own relationships, it can be even more complicated. Their wedding might stir up unhealed wounds or longings you’ve tried to bury.

You may think:

• I hope they don’t make the mistakes I made.
• Will they really be loved the way they deserve?
• Why couldn’t I have had a love like this?

Or even:

• Who am I now that they’re not “mine” in the same way?

Imposter Syndrome, Even Here

You might look around the wedding — all smiles, speeches, and curated moments — and feel like a fraud.

Everyone seems to be handling it so gracefully. Meanwhile, you’re just trying to keep your emotions from spilling out of your eyes and onto the tablecloth.

If you’ve wrestled with anxious attachment, there’s often a nagging belief that you’re “too much,” or that your emotions are something to manage or hide.

But the truth is: feeling deeply doesn’t make you unsteady. It makes you human. It makes you loving. And yes — sometimes, it makes you vulnerable.

You don’t need to earn your seat at your child’s wedding by being perfectly composed. Your love is enough. It always has been.

How to Care for Yourself During This Transition

1. Acknowledge the grief without shame.
You’re allowed to feel both proud and sad. These emotions can coexist. Just because something is a happy milestone doesn’t mean it isn’t also a loss.

2. Reflect on your own journey with tenderness.
This may stir memories of your own relationships — what you had, what you lost, what you never got to experience. Treat those reflections gently. They don’t have to steal the moment, but they do deserve your care.

3. Practice letting go — without disappearing.
Your role is changing, not disappearing. You can honor their new independence and continue to show up as a steady presence. It’s not all or nothing.

4. Let yourself be celebrated, too.
Your child’s ability to love and be loved didn’t come from nowhere. You played a role in shaping them. Let yourself receive that truth. Let it sink in.

5. Find support that sees you.
Weddings are often focused entirely on the couple — and understandably so. But your heart matters too. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a therapist, or a journal, create space for your voice in all of this.

In Closing

If you’re reading this and quietly nodding, you’re not alone.

Your love runs deep. Your fear isn’t a flaw — it’s a reflection of how much you care. And yes, this transition might feel like both a celebration and a surrender.

But here’s what I hope you remember:

You are still needed.
You are still loved.
And your story isn’t over — it’s simply evolving.

Written with care by Molly A. Summers, P.C.C. — Life Coach & Author
📌 coachingwithmollysummers.com

About Molly A. Summers, P.C.C.
Molly Summers is a professional certified life coach and author who helps people understand their attachment styles and build secure, steady love — in relationships, family, and life. After navigating her own journey through loss, unhealthy relationships, and big life transitions, Molly now guides others to calm anxious patterns, strengthen self-trust, and feel safe being fully themselves. All of her coaching is virtual and begins with a free, no-pressure conversation.